Why...

Got my paperwork almost completely together for my first day of work... on October 14th. My hire letter and temporary practice license for Washington State are now in my hands, as is my ORCA (mass transit) card and just other little stuff. I guess you could say that I prefer to be prepared. It's been weird adjusting to knowing that I'm NOT going to be here in 3 weeks, as a matter of fact, I will be in Missoula, Montana 3 weeks from tonight... arriving in Seattle the next afternoon, on my birthday.

I am getting a new job for my birthday... and a whole new life. In case it's not clear why I am making this change... I can honestly say that the reasons are many. I will miss many things, and not miss many others. It's a very mixed emotional bag right now for me. I have so many great friends that I want to miniaturize and pack in a box, then embiggen when I get there... but sadly a radical change is an equally radical thing.

In so many ways, I have gotten tired of the rut I feel like I have been in for many years. The mobilization with the Army to Texas woke something adventurous up in my soul, and a sense of freedom and independence, that was quashed when I got home... not by any person or anything in particular... more just by the natural circumstance of being expecting to step back into the exact role & slot that I filled before I left and changed. Not sure what I grew in TX... be it wings, stature, or both... but enough of me changed that going back to who I was before really became impossible.

The mobilization to Texas was really a profound experience for me.  I had the time to build confidence in myself as a person. I found that I like me, quite a bit, and I like a challenge... and I had a year of them and met them head on.  The Army isn't perfect, but has overall been very good to me.  Then I came home to take on the XO position in my unit... again a challenge.  I wouldn't seek these challenges if I didn't want them. And though I love my job at Callaway County in every way except the pay, it was a small box to try to fit myself back into... I have the best coworkers... the best boss... the best in so many ways... but it is time to move on.

I am also moving because of the weather, the extreme cold and extreme heat of the midwest has finally gotten too much for me.  I have become a runner... and I love running outside, but the weather here limits me to a very small part of the year... the snippets of the now-nearly-nonexistent spring and fall that we experience and the few cool breaks we have in the rest of the year.  I've never been a fan of the heat and humidity, but have always accepted it as part of life... but ever since I had that heat injury in 2007 on Hoover Dam, I have to be extra careful and certainly do not run if it's much over 70 degrees F.  I'd rather run at 17 deg F... I've done it... with proper clothes, it really isn't as brutal as it sounds once you get going.

Politics is also driving me out of Missouri.  The Missouri I grew up in was sensibly conservative with a very small "c".  People made change when needed and not when it wasn't.  At least that was my recollection.  Mind you, I grew up in suburban St. Louis, the daughter of a union shop steward.  So I was raised to understand the value of the tax dollar, but also that the little guys had to stick together to protect themselves from most companies... not all, but most.  I was also taught that it was important to vote and stand up for what you believe in.  Honestly, I am tired of working for peanuts, accepting with gratitude, a couple more nuts each year.  I am excited about joining a union in my new job... I am proud of that.  I wish Pop was still alive so I could tell him about it.  The political turn to the stupid that Missouri has taken scares the hell out of me, honestly.  Mark and I held on for a long time, not wanting to be beaten or to let the stupid win.  We are finally waving the white flag and running like hell.

Of the things that I will miss in Missouri... the land. Maramec Springs is my heart, I go there about once a year just to fill my soul's battery.  Columbia... the best big little town ever.  It has been my home for 20 years, it is where we have raised our kids, but it is also a crucible.  I have had the extra shit burned away and an essential truth remains in my soul... it's time to move on.  Despite my love of the parks, the trails, the parks and so much of Missouri, it is time to move on... time to seek new vistas and adventures.

I will so miss my friends.  I have managed to collect the best friends ever... walking with Jas, going shopping with Kimberly, doing fiber festivals with Renee, running with Kayla... and everyone else.  And my coworkers who are extended family to me... damn guys, I have to break in a new batch... I wonder if they will appreciate the singing nurse in Seattle too?!

Then there is the mix of trepidation and excitement about my new job.  I am sure I will do great, but there is always the little niggling doubt that fears I won't make it past my probationary 6 months and will have to crawl back to Missouri in disgrace. So for all the self confidence, there is always that little voice... and why it's there after excelling in a new field of nursing for a year with the Army at Ft Hood... even earning an Army Commendation Medal.  It's just daunting to feel like I'm going from the Fulton, MO Little Leagues to the St. Louis Cardinals in one swell foop.  But I will be one member of a team... a team that I have already been welcomed to... so the caseload may be 10 times what I'm used to, but I will have amazing resources that I've not had here, and I won't be alone.  So I really do feel like I'm leaving home to go home.

The trip up to Portland & Seattle in April was wonderful.  I really liked the people and the place, it felt good. It felt right... and this whole job process has felt so "meant".  The skeptical side of me wants to "poo poo" it, but it's just gone with amazing ease... which of course makes me look for the other shoe... but I think the other shoe must have been the other job I applied for in Oregon.  Everything for the Seattle job has been downright slick, whereas the Oregon job has been just glitched.  It's funny but Mark and I both felt like Oregon was gonna be it... but Seattle said, "Ummmm NO! You are coming HERE!"  It's like the Oregon job made me look at the possibilities but I was supposed to get the Seattle job.  Even the nursing license process reflects this... my fingerprints have been twice rejected by Oregon, while they seem to be fine so far in Washington, and the latter will grant you a temp license while the background check is completed.  So I can go up there and get everything squared away.  Not that I'm worried since the Army gave me a clearance and my worst infraction was a speeding ticket in 2009 in Jefferson City... so yeah, I'm a dangerous criminal there.