I found it triggering, mostly of memories from when I was in school. I was one of those sensitive kids, and in many ways I still am. I really don’t know why, but it is simply part of my make-up… and it’s not something you outgrow or unlearn when you are hard-wired that way.
Over the years, I have learned some coping mechanisms, but it never really goes away… and despite efforts to cope, sometimes that hard-wiring kicks in automatically and takes me by surprise. It also makes me feel like you have to explain to other people why I reacted the way I did to “X” situation… borne out of years of being misunderstood, ridiculed, or thought to be a weirdo.
Even though my family was a pretty safe cocoon, they sometimes would obviously not “get” me either. I think my Mom was wired a lot like me and did her best to prepare me for the reality of the “outside world.” But she didn’t want to completely protect me from it either, because I had to toughen up to a certain extent just to learn to survive… and treating me like a hothouse flower wasn’t going to achieve that end.
I guess the hardest part, apart from not having my feelings honored, was the lack of tools. I was told to “stop overreacting”, “stop crying”, “stop losing your temper”, etc. But nobody told me how to “stop”, never gave me the tools or helped me figure out the “how”.
One of the wisest things I have ever heard was from a Parents as Teachers educator, she asked rhetorically, “What does ‘stop running’ look like? Tell the child to walk.” What a huge shift in perspective for me, and it is so universally applicable. If someone had taken me aside and told me what to DO instead of what to stop doing… it might have been more helpful. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been less painful, but it would have made me, as a child, feel as though I had some power in the situation… rather than being just a victim reacting to the bullies harassing me… and left holding the bag of responsibility in the situation.
When you tell someone to just “stop” doing something, you only appear to be giving them control over the situation. Instead you are giving them a destination with no map or directions to get them there… and the implicit message that what they are doing is the cause of the harassment.
These people, children & adults, need help in recognizing what triggers them and validation that their feelings are okay, whatever they may be. Then they need tools to help them learn to deal with those feelings… be it walking away, asking for help, etc. They also need help in learning to gauge what is appropriate for a given situation.
Sadly, though, we often don’t have the time or emotional space to deal the issues another may have. It’s easy to say “stop that” but not as easy to teach.
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