Well yeah and two months have gone by.

Life has been good, just busy lately. I'm still processing the drek of "That Evil Place"... I wish it would stop. Really don't want to keep dealing with an oozing wound that doesn't seem to want to completely heal over, but I guess PTSD is like that.

It's weird, though I believed in PTSD, and I knew that many different life stressors could kick it off, I have never been so well able to identify it in my own self and situation.  I am well assured that things are going just fine in my temp job situation... but I am still worried that someone is looking over my shoulder and scrutinizing every move that I make. I think it's going to take some time to shake that uncomfortable feeling. Lack of constant and direct feedback makes me very nervous now.  If I was screwing up majorly, I know the folks where I'm at would tell me... but that niggle of doubt and discomfort is still there...

So really, I am viewing PTSD much like I view the perception of pain in different people. What might not bother me that much could be debilitating for another.  What one situation one person can brush off with ease may not be so "brushable" for another.... though it may seem like nothing to me, I don't know the whole of that other person's story, so I really cannot judge.

So things like PTSD are on a continuum and a very individual thing.  Maybe others could have gone through what I did at King County with less damage to the soul and psyche, but that damage is what I sustained, being who *I* am.  It is heartening to hear the co-workers with whom I am friends acknowledge how awful the place is. It is also heartening to simply be accepted for who I am for the most part where I am now.  It's okay to be me, myself and my fleas.

I just wish I could turn off the tap o' crap that gushes forth from time to time.  Despite all this, I am very happy. Life is open right now with our impending plan to move to Portland... I just don't know exactly where I'm heading. Back to school, most likely, really looking at becoming a Family Nurse Practitioner or getting back into something birth-related.  I just still am not completely sure what I want to do when I grow up.

One thing that continues to confuse me is when people tell me that I inspire them when I just feel like I'm blundering through life.  I am always flattered too, but I'm just living life and doing the best that I can.